Until Today!

Whenever I head to the bookstore to steal a little wi-fi action, I like to stop in the Self Help section. Its on the way to the cafe, so I figure no harm in getting a little personal insight while I'm at it.

Tonight, a book called Until Today! caught my attention. The Law of the Garbage Truck also caught my eye, but Until Today! caused me to feel a little inspiration.

The book itself is written in the format of a calendar, so that each page of wisdom is assigned to a specific day of the year. I decided to flip the pages to today's date to see what I should be feeling today. I was told that today I should let go of my past anger.

Damn. Talk about insightful.

So how is one supposed to go about doing this? Apparently, I'm meant to sit down with a pen and paper and ask my anger what's up. Make it talk to me so that I can express it on paper, get it out of my system, and be rid of it for good.

Seems easy enough.

So, Anger.... what's the happs? What's the dealio with screwing with my life? Its like you're a whiny little child who wants attention, always speaking up and trying to distract me when all I want to do is enjoy my day and have some fun. You seem especially riled up by bad drivers, bad boyfriends and sh*tty bosses.

Ok, I get it. I get your triggers. But I can't help that I have to interact with these types of people every day. So how are you and I supposed to exist harmoniously in this brain of mine?

Anger... I hate to say this to you, but I think its time to let go. Don't be afraid of the future. Of the mistakes we'll surely make, or the accolades we'll surely win. Don't feel regret for the past. For the words you wish you could have said in that one moment....or for the words you spoke and wished immediately you could take back. Enjoy the moment you're in. Relish it. Cherish your friendships. Show your appreciation for others . Tell people you love them more often (well, the ones who count anyways). Be grateful. Be humble. Be lovable.

Hmm...I actually do feel better. Kinda crazy how that works.

Anger - I'm glad we had this little conversation. We should chat more often. But only if we can use civil tones.

Its So Hard...To Say Good-bye...To Yesterday...

Boyz II Men had it right. It IS hard to say good-bye to yesterday. I'm currently preparing to transition jobs at work. As part of this job change, its necessary to officially end relationships with the various groups I've been working so closely with for the past three years. In drafting multiple 'break up' emails to my clients, my account management team, emails to hand off my current projects to others on my team... I realized something about myself. I hate breaking up.

It doesn't matter if I'm ending a love relationship, or ending a work relationship. I despise it. It occurred to me today that I've put this off for the past THREE WEEKS! A few heartfelt words expressing gratitude for the quality of our relationship and my sincere best wishes for their future success, should be easy enough to draft and send, right? Wrong! I'm finding this to be one of the most arduous tasks I've undertaken in quite some time.

This has made me realize that I've allowed far too many love relationships to continue well past their expiration date. Do I subconsciously feel that I don't deserve to be happy? Why is it so difficult to end something that is causing me grief, and thus allow myself to be free to move on to something truly fulfilling?

Its a conundrum I cannot solve. But it is disappointing to realize this about oneself. That you despise breaking up so much, that you'll cling to something even if it causes you unhappiness.

Its times like this that its important to draw strength and inspiration from others who have gone before you:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines.

Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore.

Dream.

Discover.

– Mark Twain

Silence Speaks Volumes

Silence. Traditionally known as the woman's greatest weapon (especially when battling a man). However, it is more than a little annoying when a man turns this weapon against you.

Silence is supposed to be our magic sword. We can wield it over a man and have him question everything from his manhood, to his latest choice in movie rental options. Just by saying absolutely nothing.

Not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot.

What I find interesting/amusing about this, is that every time a guy goes silent on me, I assume the absolute worst. He's mad at me for something. He's punishing me. He's trying to get revenge for that time when I pulled the silent treatment on him.

When the silence is broken and he finally calls....turns out he was just busy. That's it. Nothing malicious.

This is completely baffling to a woman. Silence must mean something. It can't just mean....nothing.

Can men really be that simple?


Apparently.

Move Your Body...

....and your mind will follow.

I have discovered that when I'm feeling unmotivated to do the important stuff (i.e. work), if I get into the gym and start moving my body, suddenly the mind comes around.

This has been a great coping mechanism as of late, especially when things in my life feel like they're spinning out of control. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I know I can start moving out of the chaos by focusing first on the things that I can control. First and foremost, that would be my body. I can move it. I can make it sweat. I can jump around and get my blood really pumping.

Like a good cleansing cry, a good hard gym workout can do wonders for opening up previously blocked energy channels. Suddenly, it becomes clear what should be the first step of any task. The plan starts to come together. All the moving pieces seem to align.

"When you stand centered in your own space, it will become clear what your choices are, and which ones to make."


So. True.

The Knight In Shining Armor Is Just a Myth....so says Anais Nin

And I would have to agree with her.

"How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself."

-Anais Nin

I recall several years ago having a very similar conversation with a good friend of mine. We were in a heated debate about the source of one's happiness - Should it come from within? Should others be responsible for providing it?

The danger of putting your happiness in a box and allowing someone else to be responsible for it is the same danger you undertake when allowing a valet to park your car. They're never going to treat it with as much care and respect as you do.

However, if you're responsible for your own happiness, you get to choose the path that helps you find that happiness. No sitting on the sidelines and hoping for the best while someone else steers you blindly down the wrong path.

To bring this all back to my original statement, 'the knight in shining armor is just a myth,' its a myth because you can't expect someone else to know every little thing they're supposed to do to make you happy. Only you know what makes you happy, and to put that unrealistic expectation on someone else is just setting them up for failure.

There can be no knight in shining armor because, generally, people aren't psychic and that's the kind of power a guy would need in order to meet and exceed a woman's every expectation and thus catapult him into 'shining armor' status.

So, as all you lovebirds out there head off to your overpriced, chocolate-infused Valentine's Day dinner, just remember this - first and foremost, be the keeper of your own happiness. You're really the only one who is qualified enough to succeed at it. Anyone else would just do a hack job, and your happiness deserves far better than that.

And the time came...

...when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

- Anais Nin

The Best Laid Plans...

To say that life doesn't always work out according to plan, would be a serious understatement. And to say there is no rhyme or reason to things, would also be a serious understatement.

More on this later...

One of my favorite quotes to think about during stressful times comes from Mother Teresa:
"I've heard that God gives us only what we can handle, but sometimes I wish He wasn't quite so confident of me."

Another good one for reflection: "When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

Basically, focus on what's right in front of you (the 'now') and have confidence that you can handle any situation thrown your way. Concentrating on feeling centered and being very aware of those things you can control versus those things you cannot, and simply accepting that you already have all the tools you need to handle any situation, can truly help you through any difficulty.

The trick is to simply believe that you can do it.... And you will.

Conference Room Confessionals

When you're stuck at work and really need a moment to yourself, the last bastion of sanity lies in the blessed conference room. And thanks to the 'private' setting on corporate calendars... no one has to know that you've really just scheduled a sanity session for yourself as opposed to an important meeting to discuss deadlines or revenue growth.

My co-workers and I use this little trick as a time to get together and have what we like to call, 'conference room confessionals'. I could tell today was a particularly rough day for folks as I participated in not one or two, but FOUR conference room confessionals. Co-workers dished on everything from romance problems to bad boss problems to unrealistic revenue goals to inept teammates.

It was a fascinating outpouring of all the crazy sh*t that goes on in the work place. It was also comforting, in a way, to see that we all have challenges. We're not alone on this journey. And as such, we really should start leaning on each other more for advice, guidance, support and sanity. We're far more similar than we are different.