Until Today!

Whenever I head to the bookstore to steal a little wi-fi action, I like to stop in the Self Help section. Its on the way to the cafe, so I figure no harm in getting a little personal insight while I'm at it.

Tonight, a book called Until Today! caught my attention. The Law of the Garbage Truck also caught my eye, but Until Today! caused me to feel a little inspiration.

The book itself is written in the format of a calendar, so that each page of wisdom is assigned to a specific day of the year. I decided to flip the pages to today's date to see what I should be feeling today. I was told that today I should let go of my past anger.

Damn. Talk about insightful.

So how is one supposed to go about doing this? Apparently, I'm meant to sit down with a pen and paper and ask my anger what's up. Make it talk to me so that I can express it on paper, get it out of my system, and be rid of it for good.

Seems easy enough.

So, Anger.... what's the happs? What's the dealio with screwing with my life? Its like you're a whiny little child who wants attention, always speaking up and trying to distract me when all I want to do is enjoy my day and have some fun. You seem especially riled up by bad drivers, bad boyfriends and sh*tty bosses.

Ok, I get it. I get your triggers. But I can't help that I have to interact with these types of people every day. So how are you and I supposed to exist harmoniously in this brain of mine?

Anger... I hate to say this to you, but I think its time to let go. Don't be afraid of the future. Of the mistakes we'll surely make, or the accolades we'll surely win. Don't feel regret for the past. For the words you wish you could have said in that one moment....or for the words you spoke and wished immediately you could take back. Enjoy the moment you're in. Relish it. Cherish your friendships. Show your appreciation for others . Tell people you love them more often (well, the ones who count anyways). Be grateful. Be humble. Be lovable.

Hmm...I actually do feel better. Kinda crazy how that works.

Anger - I'm glad we had this little conversation. We should chat more often. But only if we can use civil tones.

Its So Hard...To Say Good-bye...To Yesterday...

Boyz II Men had it right. It IS hard to say good-bye to yesterday. I'm currently preparing to transition jobs at work. As part of this job change, its necessary to officially end relationships with the various groups I've been working so closely with for the past three years. In drafting multiple 'break up' emails to my clients, my account management team, emails to hand off my current projects to others on my team... I realized something about myself. I hate breaking up.

It doesn't matter if I'm ending a love relationship, or ending a work relationship. I despise it. It occurred to me today that I've put this off for the past THREE WEEKS! A few heartfelt words expressing gratitude for the quality of our relationship and my sincere best wishes for their future success, should be easy enough to draft and send, right? Wrong! I'm finding this to be one of the most arduous tasks I've undertaken in quite some time.

This has made me realize that I've allowed far too many love relationships to continue well past their expiration date. Do I subconsciously feel that I don't deserve to be happy? Why is it so difficult to end something that is causing me grief, and thus allow myself to be free to move on to something truly fulfilling?

Its a conundrum I cannot solve. But it is disappointing to realize this about oneself. That you despise breaking up so much, that you'll cling to something even if it causes you unhappiness.

Its times like this that its important to draw strength and inspiration from others who have gone before you:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines.

Sail away from the safe harbor.

Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore.

Dream.

Discover.

– Mark Twain