Dating Is Like a Vegas Buffet

A Vegas buffet is all about sampling as many different types of food as possible, and then going back to stock up on those dishes you liked the best. Essentially, a buffet is an economical way to figure out exactly what type of food you want to eat and then getting as much of that food as you possibly can eat. Similarly, dating allows you to "try" many different types of guys (black, white, asian, hippie, metro, techno geek, etc). And when you find the type you like, you go back for more (AKA marriage).

Like anything in life, there is a distinct strategy to getting your money's worth at the buffet. There are low end dishes (salad with iceburg lettuce) and high end dishes (juicy prime rib). When you first step up to the buffet, you're usually met with the salad section first. But you don't want to fill up on the salad because all that does is take up space that could otherwise be used for the good expensive meat. So you take just a few bites, enough to give you an idea of what that particular salad variation tastes like.

This accomplishes two things - first, it takes up very little room so the majority of your plate can be dedicated to more succulent dishes. Second, it keeps you from filling up on something that you really don't want.

Similarly filling-yet-useless, is the bread you get at a restaurant before you've even placed your order. You end up eating half the basket not because you actually want the bread or think it's tasty. You eat it because it happens to be right there in front of you. By the time your actual meal arrives, you're already so full that you can't enjoy it.

Boys are like bread. When you're in a dating dryspell (i.e. hungry for dinner), its more than tempting to date the most readily available person (i.e. eat the entire basket of bread).

Don't do it!

Not only is this not going to be satisfying (bread vs succulent steak), its also going to prevent you from getting to the person that you should be dating (too full on bread to enjoy your expensive dinner). You'll be so preoccupied trying fit a square peg into a round hole (trying to make it work with the wrong guy) that you'll miss out on meeting the guy you should be with.

Never sacrifice what you want most for what's in front of you right now. In other words, don't fill up on the bread because there's a tasty piece of meat waiting for you, if you only have the patience to wait for it to get to the table ;-)

When All Else Fails…Getaway

Sometimes simply the physical act of putting yourself in a different place, can help change your mindset and help resolve problems. Or at least that’s the way it always seems in the movies.

Girl is having major life drama, packs an overnight bag and spends the next few weeks at a distant relative’s house. Said relative just happens to live in a) a posh neighborhood with fabulously wealthy neighbors who happen to have a son who is single and falls madly in love with Visiting Girl, or b) a beachfront bungalow with fabulously wealthy neighbors who happen to have a son who is single and falls madly in love with Visiting Girl.

It seems to me the common factor in both these scenarios is having fabulously wealthy neighbors who have a son that is conveniently of appropriate age and single status for our heroine. Perhaps that’s the secret to finding romance – have fabulously wealthy neighbors who can hook you up big time.

But what about the rest of us living in middle income neighborhoods (AKA, reality) ?

If you’re not lucky enough to have mysterious relatives with convenient neighbor situations, then I say its time to flex your networking muscles. Remember all those friends you’ve made up till now? That funny girl you met on the first day of your first job out of college, or the quirky but harmless guy you met while backpacking through Europe, or better yet, that friend you’ve known since kindergarten who knows you better than you know yourself.

Dust off that phone book and start reconnecting! Or, if you take the modern approach – email, SMS, tweet, poke and rekindle that connection.

But by no means am I advocating for mooching off of friends you haven’t spoken to in years… I’m just saying you have more resources (friends) to keep you afloat during tough times than you realize. And I have to say, I’d be lost without my awesome network of friends.

Not only do they keep me sane, but they provide perspective when I’ve lost mine, and inspiration when all I see is a dead end. THANK YOU. You know who you are ;-)

As for getting away from my day to day problems by visiting a friend in a distant land… I’m currently waiting to board a flight to Chicago.

Adventure awaits!

Control.... It Ain't Just a Janet Jackson Song

When life throws you a curveball and you feel completely helpless, its important to not dwell on those things you can't control. Rather, focus on the things you can control. As logical as this sounds, its far too easy to say 'Woe is me' instead of 'Go me!' (ok - cheezy, I know...but I'm trying to make a point here)

I've noticed people who go through life events they clearly have no control over (sudden job loss, relationship meltdown), tend to do one of two things: They either hold onto the grief and anguish until it consumes them, or they assert a level of control over some other area of their life. Silly as it sounds, having control in at least one area of your life makes it that much easier to deal with those things you don't have control over. My guess here is that by controlling some aspect of your life, you are able to avoid feeling completely powerless.

Interestingly, control can come in many forms. For example - control can be simply completing the laundry. You completed the laundry, ironed everything, and put it all away. Completion!

Control can also take the form of moderating your diet. Its not like anyone is holding a gun to your head telling you to eat that second piece of cake. You control how many calories you consume, as well as how hard you work at the gym to burn it all off.

For me, that is my favorite way of dealing with the things in my life over which I have zero control - I hit the gym. With a vengeance. While this is a great and healthy way to deal with an otherwise potentially unhealthy situation, the problem with this approach is that I'm only in really good shape when I'm totally stressed out. When life swings back into balance and all is right with the world, my gym routine falls off the map and back comes all that fat I worked so hard to ditch.

Sometimes, ya can't win for trying =p

The Power of Choice

When things in life don't turn out the way you expected - that charming guy you were dating turns out to be an a**hole, the stellar job you longed for ends up bleeding your soul dry, or the dream home you bought winds up being a money pit - it can feel like you are helpless. Like you're the unwilling participant in a drama that you never wanted to be cast in. Stuck in an endlessly looping nightmare. A freefall downward spiral.....without a parachute.

When this happens, its easy to let the anxiety overwhelm you. And even easier to just crawl under the covers until the sh*t storm blows over. Especially when it feels like you don't have control over anything.

But even when it feels like you don't have the power to change the course of things, you can change things by simply choosing to.

Guy you're dating dumps you? You can choose to let it crush you...Or you can choose to learn from the situation, become a stronger woman, and move confidently forward.

Job sucking the life out of you? You can choose to become a bitter, angry worker...Or you can find a new element of your job that will once again inspire passion for your work. You can even choose to realize that the current job may not be right for you, and boldly decide to search elsewhere for a satisfying job.

Any downturn can easly be seen as a problem, a bad situation, or a disaster. Its not easy to see it as an opportunity to challenge yourself, to learn something new, to acquire some new wisdom, and use that knowledge and experience to become a better, stronger person.

This is the power of choice. And that is a power that each of us possess, and no one can take that away from us.

So go ahead and wallow in your chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream when life throws a monkey wrench in things. Give yourself permission to grieve, to feel the pain - this is what reminds us we're alive.

But then choose to move forward. The lessons you've learned today will make you that much more capable to handle the next monkey wrench that life will toss at you. And when that happens, you'll know that you can handle it - because you already have.

Left In the Deep End Without My Floaties

Why does it seem that everyone around me knows exactly what's going on...and yet somehow, I am completely clueless?

This is particularly troublesome when I'm at work and I hear a string of acronyms fly out of one coworker's mouth, only to be answered by an equally convoluted stream of acronyms coming from another coworker. Huh?? Seriously, is it just me, or is everyone else on a completely different page? Heck, sometimes it doesn't even seem like we're in the same chapter!

Like Moths to a Flame...I Attract the Weird Guys

I am a smart, strong woman. I have my own opinions, I am self-sufficient, I own my own home.

So why the heck is it that a majority of the guys I end up dating are bat-sh*t crazy? I'd like to think I'm capable of sussing out a normal personality from the crowd, but time and again the Weird Guy ends up fooling me into thinking he's just a normal guy. And then the weirdness begins...

Take the 'So-Called Foreigner'. First, he tried to convince me his English was not so great because he was from Germany. He clearly had an American accent (as in zero German accent). And when I probed, discovered he had in fact grown up in New York and only recently spent 3 years in Germany. A far cry from being a legitimate foreigner.

The night didn't get better from there. He seemed threatened by my knowledge of how to make a sake bomb. Despite having known him for all of 2 hours, he was convinced that I wanted him to be my personal trainer at the gym. Huh?? I don't even know you!

However, my ever-optimistic attitude led me to think the night could still turn out well. Nope. Upon going in for the goodnight kiss, he seemed to think it was entirely appropriately to utter, "I just want to pound you."

WTF?!???!!

Who says that???? I mean... really! I was so completely shocked that someone had just said that to me that I didn't even know what to say. I just stood in stunned silence for a moment. Then common sense kicked in and I suggested it would be best to end the night. His comeback to that? He accused me of being asexual.

Again....WTF?!???!!

Looking back on that incident, I just shake my head and wonder why, like moths to a flame, I attract the weird guys. Am I the only woman that this kind of thing happens to? I refuse to believe I'm the only woman out there with the magical power of being able to attract the crazies. Quite frankly, its a talent I could do without.

Is it really so much to ask for a normal, educated, gainfully employed man who has integrity and is respectful? Its not like I'm asking to win the lottery.... or maybe I am. The odds seem to be about the same.

Actually, I think the odds of winning the lottery may be slightly more favorable. That's not terribly encouraging...